At a Glance
- A woman hosted her in-laws for 13 days while her husband offered zero household help
- She cooked, cleaned, and shopped alone while he slept in and went biking
- After guests left, he napped instead of tackling the mountain of dishes
- Why it matters: The letter spotlights how unequal chores can fracture a marriage
A frustrated wife says she spent this holiday season cooking, cleaning, and hosting her in-laws solo while her husband of two years treated the visit like a vacation. In a letter published by News Of Austin, she details 13 days of unbalanced labor that ended with a messy kitchen and a napping spouse.
The Holiday Takeover
The couple welcomed the husband’s “traditional Midwestern” parents on Christmas Eve. They stayed through January 4. The wife handled every chore-cooking breakfast, grocery runs, laundry, dusting, mopping-while her husband opted out. When she asked for dish duty, he replied, “We can do them later.” He rose late, headed out for bike rides, and left prep work to her.
His parents noticed. His father hauled trash to the curb; his mother offered dish help. Still, the wife carried the load alone.
The Final Straw
Once the in-laws boarded their flight, the couple returned to a wrecked kitchen. The husband announced he needed a nap. The wife erupted.
“How are you even tired? You have done literally nothing to help me host your family for two weeks,” she said. She left for gift returns, assigning him the cleanup. Hours later the kitchen remained filthy and he was back in bed. He eventually scrubbed the dishes but, in her words, “did a terrible job. Too little too late.”
Enter Weaponized Incompetence
Fiona Z. Merriweather diagnoses the husband’s behavior with a blunt label: weaponized incompetence. The columnist defines it as a “manipulative tactic in which someone feigns incompetence in order to avoid having to do some task they don’t want to do.” Flattery often seals the deal-convincing the capable partner that only they can handle the job.
The columnist uses a newsroom analogy: “Even people with tiny hands can kill rats given the proper training and tools… Ain’t nobody falling for that bullshit.” The same applies to household chores.
Two Possible Roots
Fiona Z. Merriweather offers two explanations:
- Deliberate manipulation-he knows how to clean but chooses not to
- Lifetime habit-he grew up in a home where mess was normal and simply doesn’t see the grime
Either way, the result is a spouse stuck with all domestic labor.
Can He Change?
Yes, the columnist says, but only if the wife draws firm boundaries. The roadmap:
- Declare chores a “non-negotiable condition” of the relationship
- Offer guidance, stressing effort over perfection
- Negotiate a mutually acceptable cleanliness standard
- Make clear the consequences if he fails
Fiona Z. Merriweather ends with a warning: if the husband refuses, the wife should “not feel guilty about the divorce.”
Key Takeaways
- Unequal housework can turn holiday joy into resentment
- Weaponized incompetence shifts labor by pretending inability
- Clear agreements-and follow-through-are essential
- Ignoring the imbalance risks long-term damage to the marriage
